Forgiveness

I've been drawing for most of my life, since I was 5 years old. My family is full of people with creative hobbies, and many of them sell their works. All forms of art have always been very important to me, so obviously it's a passion of mine.

I love to draw, but when I look at my art compared to that of people who started drawing as soon as, say, 3 months ago, I can't help but feel inadequate. I've always wondered why that is; is it because I'm not as talented as they are despite my years of experience? I have two sketchbooks, one being 5+ years old, and both are unfinished and have pages torn out or left blank.

As much as I love making art, I hate looking back at it later. When I see my own hard work, some pieces taking 8+ hours, I'm filled with nothing but shame. I don't hate my art, I just hate how mediocre I am at something I love so much. I've always worked hard to grow and better my skills but I never get much better.

A few years ago, I tried to quit drawing altogether, but I only managed to stop for about a year or two. It's such an incredible experience, to create art, but I can't appreciate what I create because of how often I compare myself to others. I hardly ever share my art for the same reason.

I think I need to learn to let go of the hatred I feel for my own creations; I've heard nothing but praise from others. Maybe it's something every artist has to go through, feeling ashamed of what you make. I may just need to unlearn that mindset, but it will take time. And until then, I will be patient. I can give myself grace if something doesn't look the way I'd imagined, not everyone is perfect and we're all learning, changing, and developing our personal skills anyway.

If I can be kind to others, can be kind to myself.