Entry #3

Today was very stormy and the power went out for a bit which was a little scary - I contemplated wow - what will I do without electricity?!?! I panicked for a bit thinking abt how long this outage cld possibly last -
but then it came back pretty soon! so... crisis averted!!

but it made me think like wow... ppl rlly used to not be so technology-reliant - I wonder what that was like...

sometimes I think abt how humans are just really developed animals - like isn't it wild we evolved from monkeys?? Yet we don't have to fight to survive like the animal kingdom - so maybe that's why we have so many anxieties abt random crap that doesn't matter.. Ig it's like Maslow's hierarchy or wtv which is basically a psychology hiearchy that says if ur basic needs are fulfilled, you'll want more stuff.

I think abt our biology a lot - like I think we developed anxiety to stay alert for danger back in caveman times - but now we feel stressed over making phone calls! How counterintuitive!!

sekfheorugjdn - this is a little out of my comfort zone but I will be brave and vulnerable - today a minor inconvenience happened that led to a cry... I was just annoyed at a family member, which snowballed into anger and idk if its just me - but in moments like this when I'm really emotional - everything horrible that ever happened to me just comes flooding back. idk if its my brain conjuring these things up again to make me cry in order to feel better/release my frustrations but sigh...

One of those things is the loss of a childhood friend - we just had like a nuclear fallout and it was really painful TvT - this friend genuinely haunts my narrative and I hate thinking that she probably doesn't think abt me. Genuinely this was such a canon event and makes me so insecure abt how I view friendships now..

Grieving friendships is not for the weak :') especially female friendships