Grieving Friendships

I touched on this a bit on my last entry, but I can’t stop thinking about this one friendship that ended badly.

Yesterday, I was at a cafe and saw this friends name on the waiting list for the orders. She has a very common name, but seeing it made me feel anxious. It wasn’t her, but I’m just so frustrated that she has this kind of effect on me. I don’t constantly think abt this friend 24/7, but I do feel that she haunts my narrative. Like I’ll think about her again at the most random times.

Similarly, I’ve felt this with other friendships that have ended too. There’s a special kind of pain for when you encounter something that you would’ve shared with them in the past.. grieving what could have been.

As I grow older, I suppose losing friends is part of the natural order of things. But a part of me can’t help but wish things were different.

“It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

It is… so hard.