Stuck

I’ve been playing tennis for a whopping 3 years now (going on 4 waow) and I know I’ve grown as a player but for some reason I feel like lately I just haven’t made any foreseeable growth. I took a break for 2 months of my off season and picked it up again a month ago, but I feel so much worse than before.

I’ve heard that I have a tendency to be hard on myself and not appreciate myself, but I genuinely don’t know what to be proud of. I felt less than satisfactory before the end of my prior tennis season and that was when I played better. Now that I’m finally in a position to reach my goal of becoming varsity I just can’t get past the rut I’m in. Both physically AND mentally.
It’s pretty upsetting because I already take tennis very seriously but I no longer think I’m capable of taking the position of singles on varsity that I wanted and feel as If I’m going to be forced to play as a doubles player If I want to be on varsity. (lingo drop: singles is 1v1 and doubles is 2v2) As of right now I don’t think I’m prepared for varsity but I know I don’t want to be JV anymore especially because I’m a senior now.

I don’t know what matters to me more, appreciating everything I’ve done and stop putting so much pressure on myself, or the satisfaction I’m chasing on still trying to achieve a once possible aspiration.

Anywaysss I’ll keep you guys updated whenever I can and I’m sorry If that was a lot to read (I’ve felt this way for a while and have trouble putting it into words) Thaks for reading and have a great day!!1! :3