the perfect victim

a concept that i’ve been seeing more and more in mental health spaces and in media is the “perfect victim”, and it has been bothering me.

in this context, a victim is someone who has been abused, neglected, and/or bullied throughout their life. the perfect victim is a victim who, despite it all, is kind, empathetic, compassionate, and would never hurt a fly.

now, alone, this would not bug me; i have seen this concept executed properly, and some victims do genuinely act like this as a safety measure. however, it seems to have turned into this end-all, be-all for all victims, no exceptions. in media, you see main characters who have been repeatedly beaten and then kicked while they are down, yet they still get back up to save everyone, including those who have hurt them. any character who has also experienced trauma but instead became violent and unstable is deemed a villain, no matter how much the audience may sympathize with them. in mental health spaces, you see anyone who is more than just a little sad being shunned or harassed out.

it has gotten to the point where if anyone who is traumatized shows signs of being traumatized, it is unacceptable. if you are anything but perfect and endlessly understanding, you no longer deserve the title of a “victim”. you cannot have a personality disorder. you cannot have a schizospec disorder. you cannot have a dissociative disorder. you cannot be so depressed that mold is growing in your room and it has been months since you’ve brushed your teeth, and you cannot be so riddled with anxiety that you cannot leave your house. you must push through the pain, the trauma, the abuse, and the neglect. you must give all of yourself to the people around you, no matter the cost, because that is what it means to be the perfect victim.

my only takeaway, really, is that you do not have to be the perfect victim. be rude, be angry, be selfish, be violent, be unhygienic, be paranoid, be anxious, be eccentric, be unstable, and be unapologetic about it all. being imperfect does not strip you of your victim status, nor does it invalidate your experiences. do not let anyone bully you into a box so tiny that you can barely breathe. be you.