Rant

I'm just gonna rant abt stuff that I wanna get out

Bro I am so annoyed about how Asian relatives always love to comment about your weight, like it's so dehumanizing and makes me feel like all they care about is my appearance and not my personality, dreams, goals, etc.

I am really annoyed at how, although I am grateful that I do have some good friends in my life, I feel like we are not spending enough time together. Maybe I'm just an anxious attachment person - but it takes SO MUCH WORK TO PLAN HANGOUTS. Like I am SOO tired of initiating. And sure, when we do hangout, it's awesome, but I feel like some of my friends do not ig require to see their friends as frequently. Like ideally bro, I wanna see you AT LEAST once a week, and I feel like my friends are like, maybe once a month.

That's DISREGARDING the ones literally off in some other state or who knows where.

I'm not saying they should drop everything for me, but I'm just tired of not feeling prioritized at all.

Bro I am always checking in with friends, replying to their stories, and it KILLS ME when they don't reciprocate. AND I AM NOT ASKING FOR ANYTHING CRAZY, just like a "how've you been?" or a "I've been so busy."

I think some friends are just bad at making plans but ts genuinely pmo. And then I'm like in my head "ok whatever, if they don't reciprocate, that's on them." But then it KILLS me because I NEED to see them. I FEEL SOOOO PATHETIC CUZ IT FEELS LIKE I AM BEGGGGING these people for an ounce of their time. LIKE AAAAHHH

AND I AM AN INSECURE PERSON OK. I hate the idea of even coming across as clingy, or needy, or too much.

I KNOW... I just need to find my people. But what do I do when half of them aren't around/are busy. Or if finding new people is extremely difficult nowadays (even more so bc I'm an introvert). LIKE ARGHHH...

I JUST WANT MORE from my friends, but I don't wanna come across as needy so I will not tell them.

At the same time, I get that they're busy ok. it's just really annoying.

I feel like the average person considers friendship to be a casual thing, but I'm someone who craves a deep level of trust and connection. I feel like I'm going fucking crazy man...