I don't know if I'll ever get romantic love, but not because I don't want it.
I've only been in one relationship my whole life, and it was in middle school. I've had crushes here and there since high school, but none of them really went anywhere, and because of me not really having any relationship experience as an adult, I'm worried that if an opportunity comes, I'll screw it up.
I'm not good at socializing, I'm not good at making friends, I'm sensitive, I overthink a lot, if something feels slightly off when talking to someone, it can change my mood. I don't know how to flirt, I hate my voice, I don't like to look at myself in the mirror. There are a lot of problems I have about myself, and if I try to get into a relationship, those problems aren't just going to magically go away, they aren't going to be fixed.
A long lasting romantic relationship is something I've always wanted, but just never ready for, and sometimes I don't think I'll ever be ready to be in one. These problems I've had my entire life, I haven't fixed, and I don't know if they'll ever be fixed any time soon. It's sad, I'm an adult, I should be at least attempting to solve my problems, but I'm not. I'm not going out to public events cause I only really have 2 irl friends, and I refuse to go on dating apps, etc.
There's more I can say, but I won't, this whole thing's stupid. I don't know why I'm publicly venting about a private insecurity, yet here I am. I might delete this tomorrow.
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