acylics !?! and rambling :(

i've always been into art but am terribly bad at it (,,>﹏<,,) BUT i rlly rlly wanna start. I have these acrylic paints just sitting in my room and yet i js cant find it in me to start. I know I have to js go for it and start, but everytime I do I can't help but get so embarrassed for no reason and end up putting them away (߹𖥦߹). It never helps that I tend to get the urge at the WORST times !!!!! I could be out at the super suddenly wanting to start or it's late at night (like rn D:) and i can't get them out bc i'd get in trouble sigh. it's also not like i never rlly did art, i doodle all the time, i have a grasp of the basics. art books cover my shelves, novels too. i even have music books thatre collecting dust now. it's js being more srs that scares me i suppose. i pick up my paints, only to give up and instead pick up my nail polish. I convince myself doing my nails is enough to keep my urges at bay, but stars know i'd love to get better at everything i love to do. i rlly do love it. i cant describe the feeling i get whenever i make something, but it's a lovely feeling. Even if it's js a quick comic in the margin of my paper, or an unfinished script and storyboard, creating makes me really happy. i rlly hope that never changes.