Being queer (a-spec)

I'm aro/ace but I haven't always identified as aro/ace. I literally don't owe anyone any explanation but I wanted to talk about my experience. Might delete later and idc.

I still remember being 15 and going on AVEN forums. One day, I decided to go to school with a black ring that was drawn around my middle finger with a sharpie because I couldn't afford a real one. I couldn't stop staring at my "ring" the whole day. For the first time in my life, I felt sure of who I was.

At that time, I was in a relationship so I needed to tell the guy I was with. I came out to him as biromantic ace and he was not happy with it lol and decided to cheat on me to make me feel jealous but it's whatever I dumped him later on. It was already toxic even before the cheating.

Naturally, I went back to lying to myself and telling everyone I was straight because that whole ordeal made me feel unwanted. Nobody thinks you're worth to be loved romantically when you're ace apparently, at least that's what I believed.

Around 18-19, I was very hypersexual and identified as bi. Specifically just "bi" because even though I was hypersexual, I still couldn't see myself as an allo. Your body feels good but the sexual attraction is just not there. I usually did it out of boredom and selfish reasons. The experience really made me realize a lot of things about myself and helped me to understand my "asexual leanings" even deeper.

After all of that, I'm a lot more comfortable with calling myself aro/ace or a-spec today. It always frustrates me how often the experiences of a-spec identities get misunderstood or dismissed, even by allos in the queer community. You feel like a minority within the minority. Some people don't even think it's a real thing. Even so, I'm just grateful that more people now are speaking up about their experiences being a-spec. I feel a lot less alone in this and more seen than before.

That's all. Shout out to all the a-spec identities on kwenk dot com. Never stop writing fanfics.