Published by DehydratedWorm

Category: Life

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Maintaining friendships after moving

I'm gonna ignore that my first blog is, for me, a pretty serious topic T_T
Okayy, some context: I moved cities around 3 years ago now. I was born there, raised there, and was in pretty much the same communities my whole life until after I turned 13, I think. So like, my first real friend has been my friend for around 9-11 years, I'm not really sure lmao, but I've known her a loongg time. After moving, we have only seen each other maybe..twice. we write to each other occasionally. the thing is though, I don't really know that much about her. She was my first real friend, so I didn't really know how to be a friend, yk? Anyway, I've changed so much since moving, and I just don't know how to be friends with her anymore. I haven't talked to her in forever, I keep putting off writing to her, and it just feels so tiring having to force myself to try and continue our (stagnant, and almost stranger-like) friendship. I love her and want to feel like it's not like a chore, but I don't know... I have such a hard time opening up to her, and it just feels like I'm pretending. Sometimes I wish I could just forget everyone and start over. I think I'm a bad friend tbh, and I feel like she would be better off not being my friend. it makes me feel so anxious and guilty, and I don't even know if she (or any of my other friends) feel the same way at all. It's hard to imagine they do. idk if any of this makes sense loll, its my first time putting these worries into words
Uhh, I think I'm looking for advice? Or just people who can relate. soo, any advice, or just knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way, is appreciated :]
(I might delete this tbh '~_~)

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Moving cities can really change you... Since Estee's reply already said anything i could've said (excellent reply btw), I'll just say that you're not alone. Honestly, the same thing happened to me when I moved cities for the first time. Suddenly me and my friends didn't talk that much anymore. Once in a while, one of them might call me and we'll talk for a while; other times it's me who calls. But it happens so rarely! I can't really say I know what's going on with their life and neither can they. But, like Estee / Dolly said, some friendships inevitably end...

I just moved cities again today. I wonder if I'll keep my friendships this time around? Only time will tell.

Anyway, I hope you make a wise choice. At the end of the day, it's you who decides to keep writing to her or not (´• ω •`)
Thank you for the compliment! I hope you are able to keep your friends.
I haven't been in the same situation regarding moving, but I can relate to wanting to cut people off. It's a lot harder to be in a long-distance relationship of any kind with someone when it didn't start that way. There is a reason so many long-distance couples break up! You're not abnormal for feeling this way, so please don't beat yourself up for being uniquely "bad".

I was told by someone that people have, "Friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for life." It's a motto I try to live by. I don't know your friendship, of course, but to me, it sounds like you were friends for a season. Things change just as the seasons do, and things will end. This doesn't mean spring won't come again and you'll never have other friends.

I won't tell you to cut this person off. That's not my place. However, I want to tell you that these feelings are extremely normal. Dare I say really reasonable! You don't have that face-to-face contact anymore, so it's really difficult to keep things how they were. I think having an honest conversation with her about this is the best thing you can do. Cutting ties isn't mean, but leaving her in the dark is. Either you'll find a way to sort this out, or you'll go your separate ways. Neither is inherently bad.

Of course, just a warning that I don't know you or what's happening here beyond what this blog says. I am an internet stranger. The final decision is yours!