Despite saying I will introduce my original characters here, I never have. This might be the first time I have actually said anything substantial about my OCs here, aside from the very short-lived OC questions I posted to the original character group. Unfortunately, I'm not going to introduce them here, either. Instead, I will vent! Boohoo!
I love to write. My main passion is creating stories and especially the characters within. Hell, most of my other interests tie back to my OCs in one way or another. These guys truly take over my life. I would be nothing without my stories. Likewise, I would be nothing if I never wrote them down. I remember, when I was younger, staying up past midnight on my parent's computer while they kept telling me to go to bed. No can do! I have fiction to write!
As I have gotten older and better at writing, I have also found new problems. My biggest flaws are these: perfectionism, procrastination, and the dreaded rewriting cycle. The last of those being the titular topic of this blog.
My main story is named Dandelion Sun. In short, it is an extremely long comic-to-be about six teenagers growing up in a small, Aussie town in the 1990s. Each episode is one day of the year. Calling it extremely long is no exaggeration. It is my pride and joy.
As a result of being the love of my life, I am determined to make it as great as it can possibly be. I want every episode to be perfect. Yes, I am aware that I listed perfectionism as one of my flaws. I am very aware. Won't stop me, though, haha.
Anyway, my main way of trying to perfect this series is by rewriting every god damn episode. The furthest I got in my drafting was episode twenty-one. Pretty good for someone who has never tackled such a mammoth of a task before! Then, I looked back on what I had written and realised there were some drastic differences in quality. Some episodes and lines still make me laugh, but some just suck. Really, truly suck.
I know why they suck. I never planned any of what I wrote. Going by the seat of my pants for every episode is not a good idea, FYI! Not for this kind of story, anyway. Doing so left me unprepared when writing some episodes, in turn leaving me really dissatisfied.
To give you an example, one episode was just the characters burning popcorn. Absolutely nothing interesting happened in it. I burnt that plot with the popcorn.
Now, people have gotten it through my skull to stop rewriting every episode. Thank you to them! I would have been in a much bigger hell had they not. Even so, I never leave the first episode alone. It is the introduction to the story. Is it not worth making that one as good as it can possibly be?
I think my gripes with its previous drafts are reasonable. It set up very shallow views of the protagonists. Renee and Lola in particular were portrayed as super mean, which is not something I want. First and foremost, I want my characters to be like realistic thirteen-year-olds. They're messy, immature, and unsure of themselves, but ultimately still people. I do not consider any of the main characters to be bad people, so it is very important to me they are not presented as such from day one.
I am caught between making excuses and beating myself up. Although I cannot ignore the genuine struggles I have been facing in my personal life, I am also lazy. My executive function issues are real problems and cause me distress, but I sometimes just give up because I am mad at myself for not perfecting things immediately. Symptoms of a wider issue, for sure, but whatever. This isn't a mental health blog!
There are two or three other episodes I will be heavily altering if not fully rewriting, but the majority will be unchanged in their script forms. I know it is normal for comic creators to change dialogue and the like while thumbnailing. That does not worry me.
What conclusion is there to this? Eventually, I will exhaust myself from blabbering about a problem I could easily fix by just writing. If you relate to what I am going through, or if you have advice, I would love to hear it. Ultimately, I know it is on me to get my shit together. Encouragement would still be appreciated.
Thank you for reading! Hope you have a wonderful week.
Signed,
Dolly
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