My Cat just came back from the dead and I need to talk about it.

So honestly I dont rlly know or care if anyone's gonna read this-? I just dont know who to talk to about this since I dont wanna bother any of my friends so ill throw this out into the void.

Today was supposed to be a good day. Dye my roots again and study a bit. But turns out-? It wasnt gonna be that good.

It was maybe around 8am or 9am (I dunno im no morning owl) when my brother came screaming into my room about Mochi (the name of my "dead" cat) being back.

For context. I more or less lost my cat like around 3 month ago in June (feels way longer ngl). I came back home from a trip (a bad one I was super sad the whole time) and I just went straight to bed.
Mochi was with me that night and we cuddled for a while. So the next day goes by as usual and he goes outside. Duh. He's and outside cat??? So kinda obvi. But.. he didn't came back. That was fine. Until it became a week.
That made me paranoid and a bit uneasy since he was still very young in a way and small -> easy prey for the animals that live around me.
And I talked to a few cat owners I knew and they all said it was normal right? So I believed them. And a week turned into many more. And he wasnt coming back. So honestly? I belived he was dead. I saw no reason on why he would leave just like that or a way on where he could be. I mean we hung up flyers and shit. So ppl knew he was gone.

And today... he came back.
Wich normally.. I should be happy.. right?? But im not. In those 3 months.. we got a new cat. Miso (mainly my mom's idea to get him). I fully believed he was dead and cried myself to sleep. Honestly it took me weeks to even accept Miso as my cat since Mochi was mine..my cat. My first ever real pet I owned. So now I finally love miso and Mochi comes back?
It feels so weird cause like-? It feels like I lost all my memories of him. Everything I ever felt for him. Like I closed a chapter forever and now he's back. I've been crying the whole day cause I just dont know what to do. I dont know if I can just be happy and love him again like before. He looks so different but behaves the same wich ik is like obvious after so much time but it all feels wrong.
Maybe its a weird kinda trauma response cause usually after I lost someone very important to me it never came back and when it did it always turned out bad?? But im just so lost with what I should feel or do.
Honestly this whole rant is useless in a way but I genuinely dont feel like I can talk to any of my friends yet without fully breaking down like some kid again so this is my only way of ig coping rn but god damn its all rlly weird rn and doesn't help me with my current school stress Im having..

Anyway thanks to the Void for uh taking my words for now and I hope I can resolve wtv is going on inside me before my birthday and my friends so I can at least try to enjoy that weekend for the sake of her big 18!!!