I saw the tv glow (spoilers+rambling)

been meaning to watch this and i finally have. (ramble below, sorry i swear a lot)

holy shit.
everything was so tense, then the screaming and agony, the silence being ever so suffocating........ build up and suspense...... isabel/owen's breakdown at the fucking party scene goddamn my FUCKING HEART.

the silent intimacy between maddy/tara and owen/isabel when she drew the symbol on the nape of her neck fuckfuckfuck that was so intimate and vulnerable only for her to harshly scrubbing it away. god. i want to say "its just a drawing..." but it wouldn't be 'just' a drawing if it mattered so much to owen/isabel that she HAD to get it removed.
and the whole ass party scene at the near end holy fuck. i sometimes feel like that. the throat scratching scream of begging to be saved. to be helped. the desire to just claw out of this hell. AND THE ARCADE THEME. THE ARCADE THEME. EVERYONE ACTING WEIRD. STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT WHY IS HE EVERYWHERE. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

............tara/maddy trying to save her. owen/isabel wanting to be saved but too scared to. believing that if only maddy/tara tried harder or forced her underground. thinking that only an extreme way would be the best way to convince her, despite tara/maddy trying to be gentle. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. she was being so understanding!!!!!!! she was trying!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAHGJGUGFHUGFHGFU D,,,,,,,,,:

its making me tweak /pos I DIDNT EVEN GO IN BLIND. I've read spoilers and I've had an idea what it made people feel BUT TO ACTUALLY SIT THROUGH IT. And experience the film something else entirely. I loved the cinematography. (I'm not good at complimenting media because I don't know my media things..... but I greatly enjoyed the colours in the film. and the scenes at a real big distance.)

It hints something....... I don't know what....... /sar

I HATE THE STEPDAD. SO BAD. WHEN TARA/MADDY WAS SAYING "DONT TRUST ANYONE. THEY ALL WORK FOR HIM" AND I WAS LIKE. I KNEW IT. DONT TRUST THE DAD. I COULD TELL FROM THE START WITH HOW HESITANT THE MOM WAS GOING TO TALK TO HIM AND THE WAY HE STARED SO INTIMIDATINGLY IN SILENCE.

and when he was trying to pull isabel/owen away from the screen and doused the fire away........ You'd think he was trying to save 'him' so 'he' wont burn any more from the fire.... but that was all to it. not because he cared, but he knew why she was trying to do that in the first place. :((((((((((((((((((

I'm so glad he died... but to a stroke and not because i killed him myself..... should've been me..... *raises fist up angrily hhhhhhurghhghhghg

I REALLY DO RECOMMEND WATCHING I SAW THE TV GLOW. if you can handle a story expecting no happy ending :,)

ALSO. THE SWITCHING IM DOING "maddy/tara, tara/maddy" IS INTENTIONAL. heh. tryna imply who im talkin about........ ok ramble over. my heart hurts because of this movie and i will be leaving a star review later on my letterbox.

EDIT:

I'd love to also include another thought of mine. One of my favourite quotes from the movie was "i waited three days for her to come back and force me into that grave, but she never did."

In a way, I kind of related to that longing owen/isabel had. In a sense, I wished that the people who wanted me... who wanted something from me (yknow, aside from my parents) would've made an effort and forced me to confront things? I don't know how to explain it because it's not something general, it's like... a specific thing.

If I was as hesitant as owen/isabel, I would've wanted them to drag me to the grave. A deep part of me would've wanted it too. Even though I know I'd be just as terrified.