I am ashamed of my jealousy (is that right?)

I havent been feeling well lately, idk down i guess? I dont feel like going to school(i havent been btw) & when i dont go to school, its just all over the place anyway. I was going on yt just scrolling what to watch and i see this yt channel that i used to watch as a kid, i go and click the channel to reminisce, nostalgia and all and i see the little girl back then now my age! (Okay 1 yr younger then me) So i start watching her vlogs bc shes been doing more vlogs lately and... all i can think about for some reason is... how nice her room is, how pretty she was, how skinny she was, they drive to school everyday, how she was more rich and then i remember, she's 1 yr younger than me... and that made me jealous, kinda hated her. But i didnt wanna think like that, i dont wanna be full jealousy & hate, no, i wasnt like that... i think... Seeing someone be better than me, made me insecure. So i started thinking, she deserves this, blah blah blah! Etc etc.(My mind blanked. i think ill end it here, i wanted to say more, i really did! But i forgot... im sorry.. also first blog! Dont mind the errors pls! Also im embarrassed to publish this.)