penny

Hey guys, been a while :D dunno when I wrote this (or how)
It’s a ride but enjoy :D

‘Ka-chunk’.
I perked up—my mother doesnt make that sound. Only he puts his keys down that way.
I was getting a late night snack in between homework assignments, well, in between homework I did and homework I should have done. I was in the middle of putting some roasted nuts back in the cabinet and had two bags still out on the counter. I hurriedly and quietly (as possible) took some crackers from one bag before shoving it back into the cabinet and taking the other with me. I had been right, and my instincts prickled as I scampered out of the room as a familiar figure ambled in the other side. As I’m thinking about it, I wish there was a different word for familiar because he is not familiar to me in the familial sense which it roots from, rather in the way violence becomes familiar to soldier.
I would say I am a soldier. I would, but familiar means not familial to me, clearly. I am a soldier who cries at the violence and suffers under it day in day out. I have become a veteran of life, of him. Yet it all still tears at me, hiding from the blackest corners of my mind, still under the enemy’s control.
As a veteran I have become a cuckoo clock, crying the same cry day in and day out. I wish I could say something different but I know nothing else. I cry and I cry and I shriek and I shriek of the same thing every day. Nobody listens much anymore, honestly. It becomes background noise. ‘Ah yes, there it goes again, that cuckoo’ they say. Its their reminder they live in this house. They tried changing the sound long ago when the clock first left the battlefield. Home was not home and familiar was violence. Or was that the veteran? They don’t talk to the cuckoo clock. The cuckoo clock only cries the same cry day in and day out. The cry of the cuckoo which says nothing new.

Damn its been a hot minute… I promise I’m cooking something up :D

(Part 3)
Power of course gives access to larger recesses of the talent pool amongst the human population, but skills are needed to prop that notion up. Thus implied are artists. (I am very much going for visual artists, but performers, athletes, scientists, among many others are also (and have always been) implied here) Many artists struggle with mental health, and I wonder if this is also why. One thing many people in these professions or fostering these aspirations have such (sometimes quite powerful) desires to change the world (even if small). Once again, these desires require skill or power to manifest, which take years to develop. In the meantime, while the eventually-talented artists suffer at the hands of the burning desire they lack the skills to execute. This is what I suspect affects the poor mental health of many artists. The aspiration to create or to change the world around them with their ideas, and perhaps this overcomes some or pushes others toward power which means they stop developing their skills as a goal for the world if not altogether.

(Part 2)
It’s always execution that takes a lot of time and effort to get right, and even then, it sometimes just fails anyway. The priviledge power gets you is the ability to not be good at something and still get your way. Once again, as an example, the government seems to prevail almost no matter what, and revolutions are, well, revolutionary, for a reason. The government needs much less skill to run and be widely accepted, though more importantly, accepted, than a grassroots organization or rebellion. Many rebellions fail to exert their idea—the idea that the current government should change hands or be abolished completely—because their leaders and participants are not skilled enough in how they go about rebelling. They are often not persuasive or transparent enough, or maybe they are only equally skilled as the government at effectively organizing. This is the lack of skill that kills those without default power at their fingertips. This is what I believe makes power so enticing and addicting to others. It’s a poison that strikes the heart of why many of us live—our ability to change the world, and our own agency to express ourselves even in the privacy of our own homes. When a powerful person has a desire, it is easy to express, whereas the skilled person puts in the labor and passion into it before it manifests, and the unskilled and powerless crumble and suffocate under the weight of their own dying desires.

(Part 1)
Okok new braindump, people! Its on my blog as well, but I wanted to put it here as well since I've not posted here in a while.
It's completely unedited so please forgive any grievous mistakes :3

I find myself really motivated by emotions. I mean, everyone is, but I can’t help but feel trapped if I can’t express myself. It is this that makes me wonder if that is why power is so addictive to so many people. (I promise they’re related)

In a world where we humans are social creatures who agree to live in a large and now global society, power (in and of itself or) over resources can get you the means to artists and those who have cultivated the skills to express your worldview. For example, control of government can help you pass or not pass laws that let people live the way you want them to live more easily. You get to exert your will on the world no matter how skilled you are if the position you are in makes that your de facto ability. As artists (or athletes) will tell you, doing things yourself takes a lot of time to build the skills that you need to perform what you want, even if you have the idea behind it well planned.

Where do you guys publish your works if you do? I've been searching for a site that isn't just for fiction, but I haven't really found anything other than substack TT

Tryna stretch before I exercise but owie man :( it sucks not being as naturally flexible as I want to be

Just put new earcups on my headphones (the inside seams split) and experienced nirvana

A photo I took this summer (taken with a really low aperture so bc I forgot auto focus was on and not edited yet so the colors are weird)
Hoping to get some edited but take this in the meantime :D

Blog Roundup!
It was brought to my attention that people don't see the blogs as often so in the spirit of raising more awareness, here are of some of the blogs from the past week I found interesting :D
"cool websites" by i dont exist :3 kwenk.com/b/329 is the oldest post on here from August 16, and it´s a repository of websites for different things. I really liked the anti-corporate section because I think we're all a little fed up with the current state of things, and it even features a blog post from the typesetting and writing website I usually use--Ellipsus! I haven't had the time to fully check out all the websites on there yet though, but all of them seemed worth giving your time to if you're interested in what it does!
"Being queer (a-spec)" by smilez kwenk.com/b/335 is something I resonated with, being a-spec myself, and even though it's not a deep dive, I think it's worth checking out, whether you are a-spec, or just want to learn more about the kinds of experiences people have.
"Public Transport" by Wawaiibb kwenk.com/b/339 piqued my interest because, as an american, I don't have a ton of public transit around, and I think it's a conversation worth having, or a story worth understanding if you're an artist looking to add something into your worlds, or even just draw from it.
"scratches beard" by raki kwenk.com/b/363 was interesting to me because it mirrors a struggle I have as a creative between the idea and the living version of it that I end up creating

Though these were some of the more standout blogs imo, if we want blogs to get more traction, or to be more active, we need to go out there and make them and interact. It's nice having our own community not curated by anyone else, but that means we have to go do it for ourselves. Have a good day or night wherever you are and good luck with the week!