Princess Choco

Does anyone else have a fear of coming across creeepy when trying to talk to someone outside?

꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔ Dairy Entry of Princess Choco⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱

Hark! Could stupid movie cliches be true?

So sit down and embark on a journey with me as i tell you something that happened today, that I genuiley thought to happened in films.

Yall... i got made fun off for not having ever been in a relationship while this other 5th grader was in one. long story, but i was seating around in the car with this other random 5th grader we had to take home... mind you i finished hs already like last year, so my friend starts making small talk with the kid. and we figure out he has a girlfriend.

The driver and the other kid in the front start making fun of me. because they know ive not been in a relationship before. And the Yesterdy, while the driver was hanging out with us, he asked if i had even hugged a boy.

They seem to get enjoyment out of making me the butt end of the joke but the thing is.... I really dont care 😭😭.... but maybe a little part of me is starting to because its getting on my nerves how they bring it up.

I made the mistake of telling them i saw a cute guy at the mall but i was too scared to talk to him. so they've been saying i am afraid of boys [WHICH TBF I AM. LIKE. you could DIE from being in a relationship with one of those. i really have a fear of talking to guys especially in my country, South Africa, which has a really high rate of Gender based violence... and ik its bad to generalize and i cant live life on the casp of "someone might kill me'' BUT IVE SEEN THE MINDS OF THESE BOYS BEFORE THEY LEGIT DO NOT SEE US GIRLS AS HUMANS. And im not trying to start a gender war or whatever i just tend to overthink a lot. And i didnt wann be a bother to the cute guy. he was so polite too]

Anyway, all that to say, today earlier, i plan on going to the cafe he works at and just ordering coffe while i study. idk is that creepy? but its also like, my fave cafe/ resturants. I would frequent it if it wasnt so dang expensive.

Anyway, in any

Nervous laughter is social death.


I have this terrible trait, where if someone tells me someone died, I burst out laughing. I promise i dont mean to. It just happens and its happened more times than i can count. Today it happened infront of my friends mom... yeah.

welp.

I did the thing no one should really do. I asked my housemates what my issue was.(Pt1)

Back in highschool, I was known as the weird kid. Not because i did anything weird like disturb classes or stuff. But mostly because i was usaully in my own little world, laughing at joke i remembered or seemily always smiley. Some people even thought i was high most times. I've never even done that.
Anyway, when i came here to this living place (Kinda like a living place for high school kids) some kids thought i was a guy from a distance. When i approached closer they were surprised to find out i was actually a girl. To be fair, i did have my locs down, and they are pretty short.

One girl, who i knew from hs had to defend me and argue against the notion that i was lesbian. They all thought i was... im not.

i guess i unintentionally exude "lesbian" energy, despite being straight.

Although, that would explain why no guy had asked me out in hs...i did get asked out once tho, by a girl... never dated before in all 18 years of my existence.

Nothing is wrong with being lesbian, obv. but i just wanted to know: WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME THAT SCREAMPT LESBIAN

Here is what they said:
- I dont walk like a girl
- I'm always in hoodies and jeans/ sweatpants ( I dont like clothes that show too much skin. I wish sometimes i could wear anything other than hoddies but i just feel like a lot of eyes are on me so i like my hoodies.
- i always greet people by saying "wussup bbg" (Which, i think is fun)

Other things that are "wrong" with me
- im weird
- childish
- OCDish ( I dont think i have OCD, but my Housemates have made observations that i am. for example : one time i didnt want to eat with a spoon someone else had touched because now it ws contaminated. i really dont like things contaminating my things or spaces. im very particular about people touching my things. where have their hands been? are they clean? My hands feel sticky if i dont wash them after a while

Im thinking of making an original Kwenk series Internet story type shi, kinda like a series of posts that follow a charecter and stuff... i dunno yall gimme ideas. i have a rough ideas tho so let me know if you guys would be interested.

Florance Road.
- Miss: This song gave me chills the first time I was listening to it. The transition of the that soft melody to sharp and electrifying guitar is what i live for. Has been on repeat for many days now.

- 7563: Just liten to it. it makes me feel like the atoms in my body wanna transend.

- Hanging out to dry: one if not the first song of hers i listened to. PEAK

So I wanted to do a little bit of research so i can include a picture AND O M G ITS ALL WOMEN. ITS A BAND OF ALL WOMEN its so cool. :D

Trigger Warnining, Do not read if you are sensetive to Self Deletion/ Skip to last paragraph for a VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE


I was going through some of my old voice memos when i found one i'd made into a song. And everytime, I get chills hearing this one specific line, because at the time, I was just free styling and letting things off my chest. (I do that through free styling songs or writng down lyrics, short stories and stuff.). I always thought it was just a silly thing I did, but now looking back a year later, I realize that it was the mental state I was in. A lot of the stuff i wrote back then are darker than i realized at the time. Even now, if I'm not careful, I'll slip into that spiral again. I recently clawed my way out, idk how but i did. anyway. here is the thing line in the song that makes me go Yikes. Warning signs were there.

"I wanna end it all tonight.
So I'll go up a roof tonight.
Don't care what people will think.
Cause when I'm gone I wont think think at all."


Again, now that i am not THAT deep into the spiral. It makes me wanna slap some sense into myself. even though i know that's not how it works. I know, That when you are in that spiral, everything seems worse. literally the only thing that can save you, is you. all that to say that, if anyone needs to talk, about just anything, even if it is to yap about your favourite show currently, or how much you despise ketchup, or how you feel like you dont wanna bother your friends, I'm here. Im here to show you that you arent alone. That there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that youre stronger than whatever you struggling through.

And please know, that if you were my friend irl, I would rather you feel like youre being a burdern, than me having to attend your funeral. That shit hurts. And it still hurts today. i dont think I'll ever heal from that. so just know: your friends would rather you bother them, than not ever bother them again.

If you like Malcom Todd. Then you'll most likely like
MarQ's Farewell
and
Jack Murins's Back N Forth

First time i heard them, i thought Malcom had released new music and i didnt know lol.

Currently listening to Transform by Daniel Caesar, Charlotte Day Wilson
Fave lyric : "It's not over, untill life ends"

The lounge is basically Ori Land

I got rid of my insta... And tik tok.... I'm feeling the withdrawals.