Princess Choco

Does anyone else have a fear of coming across creeepy when trying to talk to someone outside?

꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔ Dairy Entry of Princess Choco⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱

Hark! Could stupid movie cliches be true?

So sit down and embark on a journey with me as i tell you something that happened today, that I genuiley thought to happened in films.

Yall... i got made fun off for not having ever been in a relationship while this other 5th grader was in one. long story, but i was seating around in the car with this other random 5th grader we had to take home... mind you i finished hs already like last year, so my friend starts making small talk with the kid. and we figure out he has a girlfriend.

The driver and the other kid in the front start making fun of me. because they know ive not been in a relationship before. And the Yesterdy, while the driver was hanging out with us, he asked if i had even hugged a boy.

They seem to get enjoyment out of making me the butt end of the joke but the thing is.... I really dont care 😭😭.... but maybe a little part of me is starting to because its getting on my nerves how they bring it up.

I made the mistake of telling them i saw a cute guy at the mall but i was too scared to talk to him. so they've been saying i am afraid of boys [WHICH TBF I AM. LIKE. you could DIE from being in a relationship with one of those. i really have a fear of talking to guys especially in my country, South Africa, which has a really high rate of Gender based violence... and ik its bad to generalize and i cant live life on the casp of "someone might kill me'' BUT IVE SEEN THE MINDS OF THESE BOYS BEFORE THEY LEGIT DO NOT SEE US GIRLS AS HUMANS. And im not trying to start a gender war or whatever i just tend to overthink a lot. And i didnt wann be a bother to the cute guy. he was so polite too]

Anyway, all that to say, today earlier, i plan on going to the cafe he works at and just ordering coffe while i study. idk is that creepy? but its also like, my fave cafe/ resturants. I would frequent it if it wasnt so dang expensive.

Anyway, in any

Nervous laughter is social death.


I have this terrible trait, where if someone tells me someone died, I burst out laughing. I promise i dont mean to. It just happens and its happened more times than i can count. Today it happened infront of my friends mom... yeah.

welp.

I did the thing no one should really do. I asked my housemates what my issue was.(Pt1)

Back in highschool, I was known as the weird kid. Not because i did anything weird like disturb classes or stuff. But mostly because i was usaully in my own little world, laughing at joke i remembered or seemily always smiley. Some people even thought i was high most times. I've never even done that.
Anyway, when i came here to this living place (Kinda like a living place for high school kids) some kids thought i was a guy from a distance. When i approached closer they were surprised to find out i was actually a girl. To be fair, i did have my locs down, and they are pretty short.

One girl, who i knew from hs had to defend me and argue against the notion that i was lesbian. They all thought i was... im not.

i guess i unintentionally exude "lesbian" energy, despite being straight.

Although, that would explain why no guy had asked me out in hs...i did get asked out once tho, by a girl... never dated before in all 18 years of my existence.

Nothing is wrong with being lesbian, obv. but i just wanted to know: WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME THAT SCREAMPT LESBIAN

Here is what they said:
- I dont walk like a girl
- I'm always in hoodies and jeans/ sweatpants ( I dont like clothes that show too much skin. I wish sometimes i could wear anything other than hoddies but i just feel like a lot of eyes are on me so i like my hoodies.
- i always greet people by saying "wussup bbg" (Which, i think is fun)

Other things that are "wrong" with me
- im weird
- childish
- OCDish ( I dont think i have OCD, but my Housemates have made observations that i am. for example : one time i didnt want to eat with a spoon someone else had touched because now it ws contaminated. i really dont like things contaminating my things or spaces. im very particular about people touching my things. where have their hands been? are they clean? My hands feel sticky if i dont wash them after a while

Im thinking of making an original Kwenk series Internet story type shi, kinda like a series of posts that follow a charecter and stuff... i dunno yall gimme ideas. i have a rough ideas tho so let me know if you guys would be interested.

Florance Road.
- Miss: This song gave me chills the first time I was listening to it. The transition of the that soft melody to sharp and electrifying guitar is what i live for. Has been on repeat for many days now.

- 7563: Just liten to it. it makes me feel like the atoms in my body wanna transend.

- Hanging out to dry: one if not the first song of hers i listened to. PEAK

So I wanted to do a little bit of research so i can include a picture AND O M G ITS ALL WOMEN. ITS A BAND OF ALL WOMEN its so cool. :D

Trigger Warnining, Do not read if you are sensetive to Self Deletion/ Skip to last paragraph for a VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE


I was going through some of my old voice memos when i found one i'd made into a song. And everytime, I get chills hearing this one specific line, because at the time, I was just free styling and letting things off my chest. (I do that through free styling songs or writng down lyrics, short stories and stuff.). I always thought it was just a silly thing I did, but now looking back a year later, I realize that it was the mental state I was in. A lot of the stuff i wrote back then are darker than i realized at the time. Even now, if I'm not careful, I'll slip into that spiral again. I recently clawed my way out, idk how but i did. anyway. here is the thing line in the song that makes me go Yikes. Warning signs were there.

"I wanna end it all tonight.
So I'll go up a roof tonight.
Don't care what people will think.
Cause when I'm gone I wont think think at all."


Again, now that i am not THAT deep into the spiral. It makes me wanna slap some sense into myself. even though i know that's not how it works. I know, That when you are in that spiral, everything seems worse. literally the only thing that can save you, is you. all that to say that, if anyone needs to talk, about just anything, even if it is to yap about your favourite show currently, or how much you despise ketchup, or how you feel like you dont wanna bother your friends, I'm here. Im here to show you that you arent alone. That there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that youre stronger than whatever you struggling through.

And please know, that if you were my friend irl, I would rather you feel like youre being a burdern, than me having to attend your funeral. That shit hurts. And it still hurts today. i dont think I'll ever heal from that. so just know: your friends would rather you bother them, than not ever bother them again.

If you like Malcom Todd. Then you'll most likely like
MarQ's Farewell
and
Jack Murins's Back N Forth

First time i heard them, i thought Malcom had released new music and i didnt know lol.

Currently listening to Transform by Daniel Caesar, Charlotte Day Wilson
Fave lyric : "It's not over, untill life ends"

The lounge is basically Ori Land

I got rid of my insta... And tik tok.... I'm feeling the withdrawals.

If anyone's looking for an out of tune lyricist, I'm here 🤓. Keys and time signatures? What are those? Notes? Idk. I only know: music good. Me sing outta tune. But lyrics good... i think... trust me bro

Heyyyy, I've been writing my own songs for a while now. I started off in bandlab with samples and loops (i still do that today) and bandlab has changed so much that I figured it was time for me to actually put effort into learning an instrument... even though I don't have one. BUT, I found some cool websites that let you play the instruments on ur laptop. I just press random keys and pray it turns out great.

Actually looking back, I started song writing from the minute I got my tablet and could record voice memos😭. That was 9 years ago!!!

But recently I went and checked out some bandlab creations I made. I'd like to share somewith you guys since the people around me don't seem to get my excitement, but I don't think kwenk let's up upload videos 😭

Sometimes i catch a glimpse of myself in reflections and i get jumpscared cuz WHY DID I SEE MY BROTHER'S FACE FOR A SECOND THERE

gosh im so anxious im literaly about to keel over and cease to exsit. its not helping that my mom keeps adding to the issue. the pressure is starting to get to me. if i dont do well, i think I'll literally be the biggest failure in my family. It's not helping that my energy levels are in the negatives.

So anxious, i decided to open up my bible app. i havent properly prayed in sooooo long, i opened the prayer with
"Bro help meee. im so cooked😭"

the anxiety is down now. but it keeps coming back in waves. LORD HELP ME pLZ

MARCOOOOOO

what is one thing about you that you think you have to warn people about? I'll go first. My horendoeus spelling and the fact that i get scared easily. even by my own shadow most times. that one is embarrasing

꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔ Dairy Entry of Princess Choco⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱

Hark! Be seated. If you rise too fast, You will find yourself married to the ground.

It is as though my body weighs a hundred thousand elephants. Every movement i make depletes whatever energy was left in my body. it has gotten worse as the days pass. Today was the worst it had been.

i had just stood up from my bed to close the window. The next thing i knew, i was on the ground. I was not ever expecting that one day i would go unconciuoss from my low iron, but i suppose coupled with this terrible exhaustion, it was only a matter of time before it happened.

Usaully, the world plunges into darkness as i stand up sometimes. but i have learned to ignore it and continue walking. when the world returns, i woulve reached my destination or been close to where i was going.

Documentation of such events needs not to be ignored. i shall log if this occurs again. However, medical intervention or medicines are ideas i have given up on. This household, does not take anything i say about my health seriously. I could be at the door step of death and agonizing pain, but as long as i look like i am still breathing, nothing will be done to treat me. Sigh. the ironic thing, is that my mother is a nurse.

Anyway, in any case
as always, i will see you later :3

Remeber to hydrate my lovely hydrangeas
drink your supplements and take ur meds

Currently listening to Heaven by The Hails. My other fave song ive been having on repeat is Paradoxic by Starset. I find myself having imposter syndrome while listening to these songs because thats not what i used to listen to. but lately, ive been listening to a lot of rock and altenative music. a complete 180 from the soft tunes i use to jam to. Elevator music my friends call it. tho i listen to everything reall, im just leaning more towards my alt style. evn fashion sense lol. I am pinky pie, and her sister all in one person lol

A lot of you guys have such creative usernames, makes me upset that I didn't think about that ￣へ￣

꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔ Dairy Entry of Princess Choco⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱

Hark! An Update from I, Princess Choco

It has been months since I've been here. A lot has changed. I find myself a different creature than I was in April, yet the same person as I was last time this year.

I am very different in my aesthetics... leaning more towards my alt persona then my princess persona. A few days days ago I tried to film a fun video, but I could just see it in my eyes, that all the energy isn't there.

For a long time, I've been dealing with really low mood, sadness and exhuastion, but it's really ramped up in September and now. makes it difficult to study or concentrate on anything really.

Maybe If i just journal it here, then the load will be a lot less heavier.

in any case
as always, i will see you later :3

Remeber to hydrate my lovely hydrangeas

꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔ Dairy Entry of Princess Choco⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱

Hark! An Update from I, Princess Choco

My loviest dear readers, if you were familiar with seeing you arounf the Quenq space, you would have noticed my absence. I am here to announce that i am well!! i was just dealing with some health issues. Not fully recovered but doing greater than i was a week ago today.

i have skipped a week of classes which i will have to make up. So, again the quenq space will not be blessed by my presence. Truly tragic.

On the ohter hand. Fell free to update me on whatever you wanna talk about! I might be gone for a few more days since i have a lot of work to catch up on. and i have to take it easy these next days or else i might end up burnt out.

in any case
as always, i will see you later :3

Remeber to hydrate my lovely hydrangeas

Jessie Mazin's The man with money in his hands.

Jessie Mazin is a musician I recently discovered, and since then, her voice has been on repeat, looping around in my head.

What makes this song good? The lyrics. They are very true to what's happening now, and speak the truth of the world's political stance. It is truth interwoven in guitar strings that pluck at ur heart, while her poignant melody hum throughout your body.

She inspires me to write songs for the voiceless. And although I don't know how to play an instrument other than my own voice. I will try to atleast make something inspired by her and what she advocates for through her songs.

My voice needs a lot of tuning. I need to be able to wield it despite me cringing everytime I hear it.

This won't be about me anymore.

It's about making something inspired by Jessie Mazin, for those who are voiceless.

Feeling left out on the intros since i didn't do one. i wanna do it to 😞.

While i prep my intro, tell me about somthing niche you think not a lot of people know ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

IM SO DUM I DIDNT REALIZE THAT THE BOTTOM WAS WERE ALL MY FRIEND REQUESTS WERE 💀💀💀💀

AM SO SORRY IF U REACHED OUT AND I SEEMED TO NOT ACCEPT IT> I WILL BE DOING THAT AS SOON AS I HIT POST.

꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔ Dairy Entry of Princess Choco⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱

Hark! The young lady speaks about a matter most frightening to her. THE IDEA IF REACHING OUT AND BEING PERSEIVED AS WEIRD!!!

So, many moons ago, i was on the clock app scrolling through. i happen to stumble across this young lad who was on a live. I decided to join the coversation since his hair intrigued me. we had a blast talking about fashion, then i discovered her is a model!

the next day i came across his live again and to my surprise i was the only one there. we talked about books this time.

and now many moons later, i find my mom has a book her sister gifted her. the tittle? the exact one the young lad was talking about. i got excited. perhaps if i read the physical copy instead of the electrical one, i wont be bores out of my mind.

i went to the clock app and did some investigativ work. his insta was in hos bio, so when i went to it, i found that HE MIGHT BE WAY TOO COOL FOR ME. im so scared to interact with him. what if he thinks im creepy? is this stalking? i keep getting the urge to reach out to him, but I ALWAYS CHICKEN OUT!!. What if he doesnt remember me?

my personal intagram is so lame compared to his. mine is full of memes and one post that have like 4 pictures of me and the friends i made while i was abroad. my highlights arent are curated, nor do theyy look like i have a life (not that i do). he goes to paris! lives i TOKYO BRO. And im just a girl from a small village in Africa. And i cant help but wonder, what if he doesnt wanna talk to me BECAUSE IM BLACK. i know it sounds crazy, BUT THIS HAS HAPPENED before.

sigh.
all these irrational what ifs in my head. i should JUST REACH OUT. BUT IM SCARED!! WHAT DO I EVEN SAY?!!
"HEy remember me? the girl from your tik tok live with just the purple pfp and we talked about blah blah blah."

What DO I DO.

in any case
as always, i will see you later :3

Remeber to hydrate my lovely hydrangeas

꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔ Dairy Entry of Princess Choco⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱

Hark! This lovely maiden here has a thought that has began to sprout in her little noggin.

Yesterday night, as i was laying my head to the pillow to sleep at the crack of dawn, a thought sprung into my head. "If i am doing this to not dissapoint others, then wont i end up dissapointing myself?" in that moment, dissapointing myself seemed far greater than dissapointing others.

i had chosen to not care what others thought, but in some ways, i still made decisions based on who they would satisfy... never to stop and look if i would be okay.

all that to say, i will start trying to make decisions that i feel are beneficial to me.

if i am not living for myself, what happens to the version of me i was when the people i was living for are gone?

And as always, i will see you later :3

Remeber to hydrate my lovely hydrangeas

How do you guys make such dynamic websites with cute icons... i wanna website the way yall do（；´д｀）ゞ

꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔ Dairy Entry of Princess Choco⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔⏔꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱

Hark! For a mysterious young lady as myself, has news to share!

The news concerns my beloved older brother!

Today, he peeled a lemon, and gave me half of it! He has never done such niceties before. Though, I do hear that little voice in your head "But Princess Choco, don't you think your dear brother did not want to simply endure the agony the bitter lemon in solitude?" And to that I say, it does not matter. He chose to still offer me a fruit that he peeled.

Huzzahh

Now, remeber to hydrate.

I shall see you next time!